is every unprintable word that can possibly applied

Because they are.

says yes but doesn't give you the drink

And laughs at the foreigners when they ask again. Because it's a game. To get your beer. In a bar.

can park in front of their door

Kind of. If there's no other cars around.

(in Paris) really wears a huge floppy beret

Really means it too.

cycles 4-person trolley bikes in groups

But talks on their mobile the whole time to pretend they're not really doing it and have far better and cooler things to do.

plays African drums while watching skateboarders

While not actually being African themselves

leaves pizza in the lobby

So you can smell it as you get home and then ruin your dinner because all you can think about is freshly-cooked PIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

waits one million years and 3 minutes for the light to change

If you're a pedestian, that is. It's longer than eternity.

hides the phone cables under pictures

And then can't find them.

fires gunshots in the alley

Not really, they just slam the lids on the municipal bins harder than necessary.

got their super bonobus awesome ticket

Even though bonobus sounds a bit dodgy, like a hyperactive monkey.

passes you by on their bike twice

They look like they're moving but they still arrive at the same time as a walker.

and I mean everyone, is jogging tonight

Passed at least 200 people at various speeds. Or more accurately, they did the passing. Included was two entire youth football teams with their studs/cleats on.

has a granadilla

Which looks like bread with goop inside.

categorises nationalities in wide swathes

Everyone Asian is Chinese.
Everyone Arabic is Moorish.
Everyone who speaks English natively is English, except for nationalities such as Phillippino, who would be classed as Chinese.
Everybody who is blond and not native English-speaking is Northern (Swedish, Norwegian, etc.)
Everyone else is foreigner.

saw blood in the street

Or strawberry juice, or jam. Let's not jump to conclusions.

(in the metro) deliberately causes jubbling while walking

And why wouldn't she. They were spectacular. Sorry for lack of photo, it would be arrestable to have taken one.

(in Madrid) shouts obvious answers out in pub quizzes

From the crowd reactions, not everyone felt it was that obvious.

(in Madrid) finds One Euro Beers

Not saying where.

reversed this blog

Anything done that does not conform is attributed to "You English are raro (weird)"

has HUGE gloves

It was a small kid and possibly training to be a goalkeeper. Still. HUGE gloves.

has a drug robot in their back room

Because you need your drugs fast and robotically

serenades the neighbours

"Serenade" meaning "stands outside the window and talks for 2 hours because they have left the bar, do not want to go home but will not go to another place"

must be eating nuthin' but oranges

One supermarket was just flat out of them, the second only had a few left. It's probably the snow.

is unable to use their credit card online

Because it's dangerous, or complicated, or doesn't work, or "it's asking me for codes and numbers!" or something.

is smiling against their own volition

Because oranges, picked off trees in the street, are both unbelievably sour AND incredibly bitter.

will be visited by three very wet magic kings tonight

They'll probably drip all over the carpet.

only gets some of the channels if it's raining

So much for digital TDT fancy stuff.

(on the bus) didn't let anyone past

People are pushy

puts gargoyles under bridges

So you'll have something to look at when you go under it.

(in Madrid) was not operational

Good thing there was nothing to do in the first place.