wears black when waiting tables

To look different, probably.

returns money that was accidentally overcharged

Now isn't that nice?!

looks inside their wallet using a lighter

Gives new meaning to "burning money"

designs kitchens

Never seen such an amount of fancy stores for kitchen counter-tops and the latest in taps and built-in ovens.

jogs around the cybernetic fountains with their indoor football team

That really sums it all up, it must be nice to be a kid.

trains and plays football in an underground parking garage

Technically it was a sports and recreation centre, but with all the pillars, the low ceiling and the paint job, it looked like an underground parking garage.

forgets that the hour changed this weekend

And spend the day trying to reconcile the various time-keeping devices.

jogs past fountains dancing to classical music

It's a beautiful way to start a very very sunny Saturday morning, let me tell you.

has Three-Day birthdays

And none of them are the actual date of birth.

gets their meat super-sized

The supermarket does not seem to stock less than a kilo of anything. Everything was for the "family".

jumps the light as soon as the green man flashes

There's no hemming and hawing - green flashes: pedestrians die.

has twin old folks.

Well impressed today, a woman of about 60 escorting not one but TWO identically dressed old grannies slowly down the street walking. Both had canes too. Looked like a setup for one of those candid camera shows.

saves your credit card to return it to you

Yay for honesty and not gutting the bank account.

carries their crutches

In their hand, while walking along and chatting casually.

drives around in a Rolls Royce drinking Coke

In fairness, they were both weddings.

looks surprised when you go into their restaurant

Either "surprised" or "Disgruntled because I was using the touch-screen cash register to organise my music collection God damn it"; a pair of expressions easily confused.

thinks dogs should piss in their own doorways

At least that's the part of the conversation I picked up.

Characters
Little Old Lady, fat cranky guy about 28 years old

Scene
Guy just parked his car, little old lady standing in front of it watching her dog piss on the front bumper

Guy: "Hey, the dog can go in the doorway to his own building, can't he?"
Lady:

eats cereal from a cup

And what's worse - drinks coffee from a large bowl

paraglides to their house and back

Technically, in Castellón but it's part of the Comunitat so the blog title holds true: anyway ... no shit, while sitting in the living room watching TV just on Saturday for an hour no fewer than 9 paragliders went past the window. At the window level. Just droning along. Picking up the shopping or something.

take pictures of their kids on slide from the top of the slide

In fairness, it's a great big slide. Still, it's unsettling to see adults walking all over where kids are crawling.

has palm trees growing in the middle of their streets

It's very coastal and exotic. Being on the coast helps that. Being exotic also.

is smoking!

And I don't mean in a hot way.

loves their fireworks

Seen this one before? Nope, it's just that, God damn, they cannot stop with the fireworks. Last night, 1 hour and 15 mins (midnight to 0115). Today, at noon just because. And down in the cauce outside the Palau de Musica, there's a carnival on while at one side, 4 guys are wiring fireworks to a wooden bull (those things are dangerous) and a few metal frames, for launch later tonight.

There's enough C4 there to blow the entire city, but that's OK because EVERYONE IN VALENCIA LOVES THEIR FIREWORKS!

loves their fireworks

A solid 30 mins (so far) of non-stop fireworks being launched three blocks away. I can't hear the television. The back windows are shaking. I can smell it from here. Apparently they don't want any left over for tomorrow.

met at the table right behind me

Seriously, the restaurant holds about 200 people, I wanted a quick bite to eat, and at the booth for 4 people behind there was a constant stream of "Oooooooooooooh, look who's here!" and "Oh my GAWWWWWWWWWWWWDDDDDD!" (in Spanish, obviously).

can buy roasted corn-on-the-cob in the street

Didn't see anybody actually eating it, but it's right there if you want it.

triple (and even quadruple!) parks

And nobody really seems to mind, or get shut in. I've yet to hear a horn or see a trapped and exasperated driver.

walks their kids home from school

And talks incessantly to them on the way home.

is from Beirut and cuts hair

And apparently beds two Irish girls at once.

wants the iPhone 3GS apparently

Running at a 3-month backlog at the moment! Seems to be a global problem and unusually bad here in Spain. Damn - I want to switch.

eats fine dining in terraces

Everyone wears LaCoste and sweaters draped across their shoulders and stops outside terraces to see the menu and choose where they're going to eat.

owns a yowling cat that never shuts up

Seriously

does parkour

Right in the middle of the busy street - it's awesome!

whinges until they can jump the queue

And whinges and whines and whinges, like a 2-year-old. Right in the supermarket.

wears crutches until their mobile goes off

Walking behind a woman limping on crutches. Then her mobile went off so she tucked both of them under her arm and started yakking away.