is an angry angry driver

They keep changing everything on him

ignores you in a pharmacy

Because it seems more professional to not move or deign to notice people until the boss tells you.

drags their feet when they walk

It's always unattractive, even if you're a decent-looking female doctor with "look-smart" glasses on.

got roller-blades for Christmas

And is now in the park practicing in droves with safety gear on.

doesn't clean up after their dog

An unusually large quanity of dogshit on the pavement up by Na Jordana. Nice work, people of the barrio.

has a garden shed

For putting things in.

didn't freeze on Christmas Day

Other countries apparently couldn't get out and about but Valencia was nice.

is celebrating "Good Night"

However, there were more people in the streets than expected. Should be dying off soon.

got rained on until moving the paper products was done

Then it stopped raining. Of course.

is still doing shopping every chance they get

Non-stop party people

pays more for bite-sized cakes than dinner

"Teeny Tiny Bite-Sized Cakes" vs "Dinner For Two With Wine"? The eternal debate.

(on the train)

Had the best sammich ever. People thought about offering money to take a bite. Probably.

(in Madrid) passed the sunflower seed

Repeatedly and non-stop. Every day should be like that.

wears an awesome pirate hat in the street

Apparently being 4 years old is enough to get away with anything.

(on train) spills his drink all over himself

It's clichéd. It's funny as hell every time.

kicks leaves off the footpath

In case they pose a serious risk to walking. That's one leaf, BTW.

(in Spain) who's foreign can still curse like a mike-foxtrotter

Don't mess with my boy, he'll get his mattress delivered and rip you a new one.

continues to get rained on

And honks their horn and can't find their umbrella.

And verifies that Geox "One Way" membrane isn't.

gets rained on.

It's pissing out of the heavens here today. Outside World™ is cancelled until further notice.

(from NZ) shares way too much medical information

For "medical" read "rampant filthy whoring." Claims the "sharing" was in the spirit of "being a lesson to everyone" later. For "being a lesson to everyone" read "letting everyone know exactly what she let him do. Repeatedly."

(in Paris) insists on you having a good afternoon

Before doing anything else. Conversation was as follows, I'm in green, la French girl is in bleu:

"Vous parlez anglais?" - to see if she spoke French (terrible French accent on my part)

"Oui. Yes. Good afternoon" - in fairness, even worse French accent on her part

"Hi, I'd like ..."

"Good afternoon"

"Uh, I'm looking for ..."

"Good afternoon"

"Yes, the gate for flight ..."

"GOOD AFTERNOON!"

"Ah. Good afternoon. " (understanding dawned)

Conversation rolled normally on from there. One should also note that the entire time, she did not look as though she meant it.

listens to jazz in the bar next door

Faintly, but still annoying.

ignores blocked-off space for moving

So the movers have to lift all the heavy stuff up and down the street.

is very close to harvesting oranges

These trees actually grow in the street.

films a period something-or-other in the street

The street's blocked off, crew everywhere and cars from the 1960s being driven around. Looks like tomorrow might be the big day (since it's a holiday). Will have to check it out.

stayed inside today and was lazy

So there.

plays some sport or other

Couldn't figure out what. People in the street today looking all ready to change and do physical activity. I'm guessing martial arts, they didn't look like footballers.

sits around thinking in the sunlight

Yes, that IS the real thing. Right in the main square for everyone to look at for free.

wears a tuxedo around the streets at lunch

And looks mighty happy about it. The "esmoquín" as it's known as here is always appropriate.

smokes in health centres

But at least cups it in their hand so it won't be so noticeable.

(in France) loves to joke about Thierry Henry

Still not funny.

(in Cork) can't spell "shoe"

It's "schuh" apparently.

(in Ireland) eats dessert for 17

At once. And then regrets it.

(in Ireland) watches their team beat the World Champions

An Irish win! The Bokke lost. Long day hauling up and down the country.

(in Cork) eats chips with cheesey garlic sauce

And a kebab. With fingers. Very messy.

brings Bailey's back to Ireland

Because it's double the price to buy an Irish liqueur in Ireland than just get it in another country and bring it home.

(in Ireland) doesn't feel the cold

As always, t-shirt weather in one country does not correspond with the same temperatures as t-shirt wearing weather in other countries

(in Paris) wants to be a Bond villain

Opinion solely based on the suitability of Charles de Gaulle airport as a Bond Villain Lair, in looks, warm decor and pleasantry.

(in Madrid) buys a new house

Yay for a buyers' market and access to cash.

can't answer a straight question

It's because they work in real estate and want to know all about you before giving precious apartments away. Won't be taking any of those.

parks old people in wheelchairs behind glass panels

I though it was just a display for wheelchairs until she moved her head. I think they were just waiting to be brought outside, it wasn't the wanton cruelty it appeared.

is from another planet

Went to check out an apartment, the lady renting it wasn't that connected to reality and had the memory of a goldfish. This is a sampling of her side of the conversation in 2 mins:

• Where you from? 
• This is the kitchen.
• You from around here? 
• Do you work around here? 
• Doing what? 
• So you have a bank account? 
• Where did you say you were from? 
• This is the kitchen. 
• What does your company do? 
• Is it around here? 
• Can you have a bank account here? 
• And you work around here? 
• This is the kitchen.
  

speaks uncertain and accented Spanish

Especially when foreign and asking another foreigner for directions

humps cars with their hips when blocked in

And gets caught by the owner

(in Spain) loves a quality make-up bargain

In the national newspaper: Two powders for 50 € seemed popular. Exotic international stuff too, both French and Greek were available.

totally backfilled their blog after ignoring it for a few days

Just saying, the interweb is high and falling off it hurts. Hence the two posts tonight.

has worrying requirements for flat-screen TV purchases

In HD, mind!

(in Madrid) drives a dustbin like a wheelbarrow

Down the middle of the street, holding up traffic and yelling at vans that go near him.

(in Madrid) gets trapped by a flag in a restaurant

Photos are way more important than other people being able to leave, etc.

(in Madrid) sneaks up behind you on the train platform

But it all ends well

(on the train to Madrid) wears black gloves

The staff do, it's highly fancy. Like Designer Butlers.

goes horse-riding in the street

Well they're dressed for it so one must assume.

forgets the ice for the coffee

Well, it did drop to 18º C! That's 65º F for the Creative Anachronistas (or Anachronisticists)

over 70 trips over their feet in the middle of the street

That's what you get for wrenching your head around to stare at women's jubbly bits jubbling past you instead of keeping an eye on the road.

dodges bulls in the street

Technically, the "bull" was his little brother but the combination of art and danger was still pulse-quickening.

dumps their surfboards in the street

"incongruous" must be the Word of the Day then.

follows Zen and the Art of Cutting Hair

With incense and minimal decoration.

gets a green traffic light

Everyone! Actually saw an intersection today with green lights for our lane AND the lane perpindicular to us. Fun times!

loves their motorbikes more than pets

There's loads of them on every corner.

smells their Coke before drinking it

Because sometimes there's rum in the bottle

uses the same street number

How else can you explain an address like " #7", and a few doors down " #7 duplicado"?

guts churches for entertainment

Well, maybe "church-like". And a fantastic job they do of it too. They turn them into open-sided upscale markets which are a joy and pleasure to walk around and through. Madrid has something similar now.

Valencia
Mercado Colón

Madrid
Mercado San Miguel

wears black when waiting tables

To look different, probably.

returns money that was accidentally overcharged

Now isn't that nice?!

looks inside their wallet using a lighter

Gives new meaning to "burning money"

designs kitchens

Never seen such an amount of fancy stores for kitchen counter-tops and the latest in taps and built-in ovens.

jogs around the cybernetic fountains with their indoor football team

That really sums it all up, it must be nice to be a kid.

trains and plays football in an underground parking garage

Technically it was a sports and recreation centre, but with all the pillars, the low ceiling and the paint job, it looked like an underground parking garage.

forgets that the hour changed this weekend

And spend the day trying to reconcile the various time-keeping devices.

jogs past fountains dancing to classical music

It's a beautiful way to start a very very sunny Saturday morning, let me tell you.

has Three-Day birthdays

And none of them are the actual date of birth.

gets their meat super-sized

The supermarket does not seem to stock less than a kilo of anything. Everything was for the "family".

jumps the light as soon as the green man flashes

There's no hemming and hawing - green flashes: pedestrians die.

has twin old folks.

Well impressed today, a woman of about 60 escorting not one but TWO identically dressed old grannies slowly down the street walking. Both had canes too. Looked like a setup for one of those candid camera shows.

saves your credit card to return it to you

Yay for honesty and not gutting the bank account.

carries their crutches

In their hand, while walking along and chatting casually.

drives around in a Rolls Royce drinking Coke

In fairness, they were both weddings.

looks surprised when you go into their restaurant

Either "surprised" or "Disgruntled because I was using the touch-screen cash register to organise my music collection God damn it"; a pair of expressions easily confused.

thinks dogs should piss in their own doorways

At least that's the part of the conversation I picked up.

Characters
Little Old Lady, fat cranky guy about 28 years old

Scene
Guy just parked his car, little old lady standing in front of it watching her dog piss on the front bumper

Guy: "Hey, the dog can go in the doorway to his own building, can't he?"
Lady:

eats cereal from a cup

And what's worse - drinks coffee from a large bowl

paraglides to their house and back

Technically, in Castellón but it's part of the Comunitat so the blog title holds true: anyway ... no shit, while sitting in the living room watching TV just on Saturday for an hour no fewer than 9 paragliders went past the window. At the window level. Just droning along. Picking up the shopping or something.

take pictures of their kids on slide from the top of the slide

In fairness, it's a great big slide. Still, it's unsettling to see adults walking all over where kids are crawling.

has palm trees growing in the middle of their streets

It's very coastal and exotic. Being on the coast helps that. Being exotic also.

is smoking!

And I don't mean in a hot way.

loves their fireworks

Seen this one before? Nope, it's just that, God damn, they cannot stop with the fireworks. Last night, 1 hour and 15 mins (midnight to 0115). Today, at noon just because. And down in the cauce outside the Palau de Musica, there's a carnival on while at one side, 4 guys are wiring fireworks to a wooden bull (those things are dangerous) and a few metal frames, for launch later tonight.

There's enough C4 there to blow the entire city, but that's OK because EVERYONE IN VALENCIA LOVES THEIR FIREWORKS!

loves their fireworks

A solid 30 mins (so far) of non-stop fireworks being launched three blocks away. I can't hear the television. The back windows are shaking. I can smell it from here. Apparently they don't want any left over for tomorrow.

met at the table right behind me

Seriously, the restaurant holds about 200 people, I wanted a quick bite to eat, and at the booth for 4 people behind there was a constant stream of "Oooooooooooooh, look who's here!" and "Oh my GAWWWWWWWWWWWWDDDDDD!" (in Spanish, obviously).

can buy roasted corn-on-the-cob in the street

Didn't see anybody actually eating it, but it's right there if you want it.

triple (and even quadruple!) parks

And nobody really seems to mind, or get shut in. I've yet to hear a horn or see a trapped and exasperated driver.

walks their kids home from school

And talks incessantly to them on the way home.

is from Beirut and cuts hair

And apparently beds two Irish girls at once.

wants the iPhone 3GS apparently

Running at a 3-month backlog at the moment! Seems to be a global problem and unusually bad here in Spain. Damn - I want to switch.

eats fine dining in terraces

Everyone wears LaCoste and sweaters draped across their shoulders and stops outside terraces to see the menu and choose where they're going to eat.

owns a yowling cat that never shuts up

Seriously

does parkour

Right in the middle of the busy street - it's awesome!

whinges until they can jump the queue

And whinges and whines and whinges, like a 2-year-old. Right in the supermarket.

wears crutches until their mobile goes off

Walking behind a woman limping on crutches. Then her mobile went off so she tucked both of them under her arm and started yakking away.

ignores people moving things all the time

We were moving things from a car in a parking garage. We had to enter from one street and exit from a small door beside a terrace. Which meant the people on the terrace saw us exit repeatedly with boxes/suitcases/etc. but never saw us going back in. Didn't matter. They pretended we didn't exist.