is unable to use their credit card online

Because it's dangerous, or complicated, or doesn't work, or "it's asking me for codes and numbers!" or something.

is smiling against their own volition

Because oranges, picked off trees in the street, are both unbelievably sour AND incredibly bitter.

will be visited by three very wet magic kings tonight

They'll probably drip all over the carpet.

only gets some of the channels if it's raining

So much for digital TDT fancy stuff.

(on the bus) didn't let anyone past

People are pushy

puts gargoyles under bridges

So you'll have something to look at when you go under it.

(in Madrid) was not operational

Good thing there was nothing to do in the first place.