(who's French) drops ashtrays on the floor

And rates it the height of entertainment.

bribes customers with jamón in the Central Market

And black sausages.

cuts their mullet off

Possibly the greatest event ever watched in a hairdressers. Sketchy guy walks in, dude walks out.

practices their dance moves in the public square

With kids running around, football to one side and people drinking. Not for money mind, just to get it right for the ladies in the club.

blows things up for a living

You can actually get a degree in explosives, under the pretext of building something-or-other.

forces beer on you

By not offering any at all. It's averse psychology or something.

offers you a cheap bike in the street

While actually selling it. Just because you're walking past.

plays darts pretty well

They know their cricket. But they still got lucky.

eats cheese in the Central Market

Even while they're working. But they're very friendly about it.

slows down when papers are involved

If you're holding a sheet of official paper, nothing will ever happen.

is getting rained on AGAIN

Seriously, the outside plant is drowning - it might need to come inside for a while.

is looking for Mark

A rugby pitch full of men catching high balls and calling "Mark!". Sometimes they'd forget and get shouted at for not calling "Mark!" - apparently it's important.

tidied their house!

The floor was made of wood the entire time. What a surprise!

cycles their bike while holding an umbrella

Wish I had a picture

(in Alicante) has pueblos in the mall

With fancy Mediterranean and burnt sienna and ochre finish

misses the bus

Out of distraction. And saw snow.

(in Madrid) had mixto con huevo

But they didn't cut the circly bit out and therefore are relegated to the Suck.

(in Madrid) got Rovered AND Locked Inn

Madrid is a dangerous town.

stays in to get up early the next morning

Meaning getting home at 6.30 a.m.

is surrounded by Assassin's Creed buildings

Including viewpoints!

found a Templar knight in a cool building

Near the Sherlock Holmes.

hits each other with tennis rackets

The latest in high entertainment for 6-year-olds

is bringing back Scooby-Doo's Shaggy hairstyle

Wish a picture was available

can't believe coffee with friends counts as a business meeting

Glad to be spreading the word.

equates "up late" with "up early"

Depends which side you approach it all from

finds their dive bar

And can't wait for the weekend to try it out properly

drinks coffee in terraces

Paris ain't got a monopoly, you know.

is super-nice to foreigners

Although they keep them out way way way past their bedtime to do so.