(in Cork) can't spell "shoe"

It's "schuh" apparently.

(in Ireland) eats dessert for 17

At once. And then regrets it.

(in Ireland) watches their team beat the World Champions

An Irish win! The Bokke lost. Long day hauling up and down the country.

(in Cork) eats chips with cheesey garlic sauce

And a kebab. With fingers. Very messy.

brings Bailey's back to Ireland

Because it's double the price to buy an Irish liqueur in Ireland than just get it in another country and bring it home.

(in Ireland) doesn't feel the cold

As always, t-shirt weather in one country does not correspond with the same temperatures as t-shirt wearing weather in other countries

(in Paris) wants to be a Bond villain

Opinion solely based on the suitability of Charles de Gaulle airport as a Bond Villain Lair, in looks, warm decor and pleasantry.

(in Madrid) buys a new house

Yay for a buyers' market and access to cash.

can't answer a straight question

It's because they work in real estate and want to know all about you before giving precious apartments away. Won't be taking any of those.

parks old people in wheelchairs behind glass panels

I though it was just a display for wheelchairs until she moved her head. I think they were just waiting to be brought outside, it wasn't the wanton cruelty it appeared.

is from another planet

Went to check out an apartment, the lady renting it wasn't that connected to reality and had the memory of a goldfish. This is a sampling of her side of the conversation in 2 mins:

• Where you from? 
• This is the kitchen.
• You from around here? 
• Do you work around here? 
• Doing what? 
• So you have a bank account? 
• Where did you say you were from? 
• This is the kitchen. 
• What does your company do? 
• Is it around here? 
• Can you have a bank account here? 
• And you work around here? 
• This is the kitchen.
  

speaks uncertain and accented Spanish

Especially when foreign and asking another foreigner for directions

humps cars with their hips when blocked in

And gets caught by the owner

(in Spain) loves a quality make-up bargain

In the national newspaper: Two powders for 50 € seemed popular. Exotic international stuff too, both French and Greek were available.

totally backfilled their blog after ignoring it for a few days

Just saying, the interweb is high and falling off it hurts. Hence the two posts tonight.

has worrying requirements for flat-screen TV purchases

In HD, mind!

(in Madrid) drives a dustbin like a wheelbarrow

Down the middle of the street, holding up traffic and yelling at vans that go near him.

(in Madrid) gets trapped by a flag in a restaurant

Photos are way more important than other people being able to leave, etc.

(in Madrid) sneaks up behind you on the train platform

But it all ends well

(on the train to Madrid) wears black gloves

The staff do, it's highly fancy. Like Designer Butlers.

goes horse-riding in the street

Well they're dressed for it so one must assume.

forgets the ice for the coffee

Well, it did drop to 18º C! That's 65º F for the Creative Anachronistas (or Anachronisticists)

over 70 trips over their feet in the middle of the street

That's what you get for wrenching your head around to stare at women's jubbly bits jubbling past you instead of keeping an eye on the road.

dodges bulls in the street

Technically, the "bull" was his little brother but the combination of art and danger was still pulse-quickening.

dumps their surfboards in the street

"incongruous" must be the Word of the Day then.

follows Zen and the Art of Cutting Hair

With incense and minimal decoration.

gets a green traffic light

Everyone! Actually saw an intersection today with green lights for our lane AND the lane perpindicular to us. Fun times!

loves their motorbikes more than pets

There's loads of them on every corner.

smells their Coke before drinking it

Because sometimes there's rum in the bottle

uses the same street number

How else can you explain an address like " #7", and a few doors down " #7 duplicado"?

guts churches for entertainment

Well, maybe "church-like". And a fantastic job they do of it too. They turn them into open-sided upscale markets which are a joy and pleasure to walk around and through. Madrid has something similar now.

Valencia
Mercado Colón

Madrid
Mercado San Miguel